Bob Caudle: "Hello wrestling fans, and welcome to LOL Wrestling!
I want to take a moment to acknowledge..
The uhh difficult circumstances that have...
Touched our wrestling community.
The execution of John Cena.
This has sent shockwaves throughout the world.
It has left us all grappling with this immense loss."

Caudle: "We are LOL wrestling understand that...
This tragedy has impacted many of us wrestling fans.
This show is dedicated to everyone affected by this tragedy."

Jim Cornette: "Happy Fucking New year!
Well, the fans wanted me to do a shoot
A Shoot! On the state of wrestling in 2024
I think the state of wrestling in 2024 STINKS!"

Cornette: "I think LOL stinks!
I think Stu Hart's wrestling is embarrassing.
And I'll tell you why.
You don't have to go back any further than a few weeks ago."

Cornette: "You got Sting and he'a a god damn turtle!
You got John Cena the biggest fucken name in wrestling.
And he is fucken executed!
On a fucken live stream for a crime he didn't even commit!"

Cornette: "I think it stinks!
I think it's disgusting!
I think nobody has any respect for wrestling anymore!
Where is the wrestling?
Not entertainment, but WRESTLING!"

Cornette: "You see, what the problem is...
It is the people running the two big promotions!
One guy is a 109 year old man!
And the other is a fat mark from Huntsville!
that fat mark wouldn't know a wrestling match if it bit him!"

Cornette: "So that fat mark sits around all day, on the Internet!
And the people on the Internet...
Fuck wouldn't know a wristlock from a wristwatch!
I don't fucken care what some mark from Huntsville wants to see!"

Cornette: "I wanna see wrestling matches with wrestlers!
I wanna see real old-fashioned wrestling!
I wanna see guys who have respect for the wrestling industry!"

Cornette: "I don't wanna see entertainment ALF, The Corn and Turtles!
I think it's garbage, I think it's insulting!
And I think it's a shame to a fine sport like this!"

Cornette: "Where I come from Louisville, they know wrestling!
They were brought up on it, they grew up on it, and they respect it!"

Cornette: "The wrestling fans fucken watching a wrestling program..
Want to see wrestlers WRESTLE!
That's fucken easy!
It's not too hard to understand if you just think about it."

Cornette: "The problem is, is that nobody has any respect for tradition.
Well, I got news for you;
I got respect for tradition, a sport of wrestling!
Not a circus sideshow, not a cartoon show!"

Cornette: "If nobody else is bring some wrestling around here...
Then maybe it's gonna be up to Jim Cornette!"

Cornette: "So that is New Year's resolution for 2024!
I might bring some tradition,
I might bring some REAL wrestling back!"

Caudle: "Let's bring em out wrestling fans...
The American Dream Dusty Rhodes!"

Dusty Rhodes' theme hits

Dusty Rhodes: "Bob, my friend, I got a sityation fo you.
I b facen Ho Li Fuk!
And it's gunna be a Texas bullrope match!
Ya know what dat means?"
Bob Caudle: "A bullrope match? It means intense!"

Dusty: "Intense? Dat's putting it lightly, brother!
I invented da bullrope match!
I kno bout ruff, rugged, and raw.
When it's all sed n dun u b sayin Holy.."
Caudle: "Now, Dusty, mind your language."

Dusty: "Ah.. come on Bob! I just b keepin' it real.
Dis match is guna b ell, ya kno, a holy..."
Caudle: "Dusty! Watch yourself!"

Dusty: "Alright... alright! Family show.. I remember dat.
Let's just say it guna be a wild ride!
N youll have yah eyes glued to da actionan!"

Roddy Piper: "Dusty Rhodes, you've been warned.
You be facin Ho Li Fuk!
Dis is a karate fighter with a reputation that precedes him."

Piper: "Da Ninja Turtles knew about Ho Li Fuk for years.
Dey've seen his lightning-fast strikes and unrelenting style.
This guy's no joke, Dusty."

Piper: "Yah better understand dis Dusty..
Ho Li Fuk isn't just looking to win.
He wants to end yer lyfe!"

Piper: "You can't take dis match lightly, Dusty.
Ho Li Fuk's a force to be reckoned with.
Ya better bring ya A-game, or it be game over for yah."

Piper: "Heed the warning, Dusty.
Jus lyke ya buddy Johnny Cena..
Yah lyfe will be on da line."