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UWF ON ESPN CLASSIC JAN 23RD

Show #1

Opening (WORST OPENING EVER)

Introducing Sunny Beach (damn how many sunny beach matches will there be?)
Sunny Beach vs. "Cowboy" Bob Orton W/ John Tolos
they lock horns... arm bar to Orton
arm drag to Orton
Commercial

On The Bottom of the Screen it says "UWF on ESPN CLASSIC: Featuring Bob Orton vs. Cactus Jack....OK...
hip toss to Orton
Sunny Rams Orton into the posts
boots to Sunny
Orton elbow drop to Sunny
Commercial

more elbows to Sunny!
John Tolos then flashes the crowd! YES That's right! WOW!
Orton drops the knee to Sunny's face 1,2 kick out!
Here Comes Wildthing Steve Ray!
Steve attacks Orton! Here comes Cactus Jack! and this is a DQ the bell rings and rings
Cactus beats up Sunny Beach and Steve Ray the bell is still ringing!!!
WINNER VIA DQ: BOB ORTON

Commercial

Here comes Cactus Jack
Cactus Jack vs. Don Muraco

Bruno on commentary says how Don Muraco is out of shape and fat and how he need to get back in shape wait Don is a face and Bruno is heel now? No wait that makes too much sense!
Cactus stomps on Don

Commercial

Cactus throws Don to all the posts
There's a use a chair chant!
Cactus then grabs a trash can!
Cactus dives of the ring apron and lands on Don!
The garbage can lands on Cactus' head! LOL! This is great stuff!
Cactus takes off the can then grabs a table the takes a table cloth of the table and chokes Don with it!!!!
sleeper hold to Cactus!
Here comes John Tolos!
Tolos punches Don several times.
and Don and Cactus run into each other.....
Bell rings TIME LIMIT DRAW! OK........


SHOW #2


They show the worst opening ever twice!!!!

Death-row 30620 vs. The Night Stalker
DAMN no Bruno on Commentary!
It looks like there's 10 fans in the audience! I Wish I was making this up! Death-row 30620 looks like he's a prisoner... damn there's 10 people on hand for this this looks like it was taped in a high school

Commercial YES Commercial it's 12:32! 12:32!!!!!!!

Oh Shit Death-row and nightstalker are stand there and they see the camera is on and they start to move YES this is god-awful!
I correct myself this is NOT taped in a high school it's taped in a Elementary school! YES a Elementary school!
Onto the match, which is HORRIBLE! death-row slams Stalker it seems that's all he can do.....
John Tolos is on commentary and he says one of the worst phrases this side of Tony schiavone "This match is excellent and so has all matches tonight!"
nightstalker slams death-row...
OK what Iam about to say seems like Iam making this up, I assure you Iam not!
night-stalker gets a plastic Halloween Axe! YES a plastic Halloween Axe! and hits Death-row with it!
RD if your reading this PLEASE induct this man! DO IT!
WINNER:VIA DQ DEATH-ROW 30620

Commercial

back with a Captain Lou's Corner
Lou is joined with Wildthing Steve Ray! Steve says "I did the nasty last night and I'm doing it again tonight!" OK... I didn't need to know that!
Steve also says "When the time comes I'm not soft Iam Hard!"
I thought this was supposed to be a family show and I thought this wasn't supposed to make a mockery of wrestling I guess I was wrong!
Wildthing Steve Ray vs. Helmut Hassler W/Kasey 'The Truth'
Here comes Helmut Hassler (yes Helmut, it's spelled Helmut, MUT!)
WOW talk about a Conway pop Helmut Hassler gets one hell of a Conway pop!
Here comes Sunny beach! Sunny and Steve ray are on the apron!
Still on the apron!
Start the damn match all-ready they've been out there since 12:42 it's 12:48!!!!
FINALLY THE MATCH STARTS!
suplex to Helmut
suplex to Steve Ray
commercial

Steve clotheslines Helmut over the top (WORST Clothesline EVER)
Steve then gets attacked by Kasey The Truth, with a golf club!
John Tolos on commentary says "This is what professional wrestling is all about!" clothesline to Helmut 1,2 no kick out!
Kasey chokes Steve again with a golf club!
cross body to Helmut
Helmut goes out of the ring DQ!! What a DQ!!! YES you read that right DQ! for leaving the ring! you can get beat with the golf club with the referee watching, but you cannot leave the ring!
WINNER: VIA DQ STEVE RAY

End show....
wait there's the opening again! YES!!!
now end of show!


OVERALL: You know Show #1 wasn't that bad the Muraco Cactus Jack match was entertain Really it was I'm not joking!
Show #2 sucked, bad sucked hard it sucked more than TNA, Gary Bettman, Brain France, Matt Millen combined! YES that's right
it was BAD! Not in a way where bad means good as in bad...bad,bad... Every match had no clean finishes weird I guess there was theme
for tonight's/morning show WOW weird 1 hour show no clean finishes that's sad. I'll see everyone tomorrow everyone be safe be cool....