Joe's Smoothies


Welcome to Joe's Smoothies!
Joe's Smoothies is like you've never seen or tasted before.
And some of the smoothies you probably never want to taste again.
If you think Joe is scary, wait until you try some of his smoothies.



First lets start off with a classic this is Orange soda and vanilla Ice cream.
Ingredients:
1 can of Vess Whistle orange soda
Prairie Farms Vanilla Ice Cream, 16 oz
Joe's Smoothies

REVIEW: It wasn't bad. I'd give it *** STARS
Bryan Alvarez: "This is something I can get a 50s diner not a smoothie place!"
Dave Meltzer: "This was a lazy effort and this wasn't a smootie!"


This one was a PAIN to make.
This STOPPED a BlendTec blender THREE TIMES!
Ingredients:
Handful of frozen pomegranate kernels.
1 cup of blueberries
handful of strawberries (BTW from a bald white guy's backyard)
1/2 banana
1 Yoplait Original French Vanilla Yogurt 6oz

Joe's Smoothies

REVIEW: Took 25 minutes to make I had to get a spaghetti mixer to mix it!
The hardest smoothie I've ever made. And after all that it was too much banana.
BUT I will say uhhhhh **3 quarters STARS.
Bryan Alvarez: "I don't like bananas anymore after this! I will NEVER EAT ONE AGAIN!"
Dave Meltzer: "After all the work to make this...
THE Banana put itself over others here. Just a selfish act.
It was just like the way Dusty won the bunkhouse matches."


This one I liked the look of it...
Ingredients:
7 slices of mango
10 Strawberries
1 8.4 once of Blue Red Bull
Joe's Smoothies

REVIEW: It was OK I would say too mangoy. I'll say ** STARS
Bryan Alvarez: "So Not only it's passion fruit BUT you are energized What a pig!"
Dave Meltzer: "Those aren't Japanese mangos..."


OK Sooooooo...
I made it without a banana...
Ingredients:
Handful of frozen pomegranate kernels.
1 cup of blueberries
handful handful of strawberries (BTW from a bald white guy's backyard)
1 can of Red Bull Blue Edition - 12 fl oz Can
doorstopnation.com picture of the day

REVIEW: This was A LOT easier to make. And not bad.
You could really taste the blue berries.
I'd give it *** STARS
Bryan Alvarez: "This was too expensive to make! IT was a rich persons drink.
Not everyone can buy frozen pomegranate kernels "
Dave Meltzer: "Nice to see Blue berry go over."


Another one I liked the look of but the taste.... Eh
Ingredients:
Handful of frozen Dragon Fruit
1/2 banana
5 slices of pineapples
1 cup of almond milk
doorstopnation.com picture of the day

REVIEW: The banana always over powers everything.
BUT It does look good. *** STARS
Bryan Alvarez: "It might look good but it's like the diva era of wrestling."
Dave Meltzer: "Dragon Fruit worked better as the Honolulu queen!"


Next was Starwberries and whipped cream.
Ingredients:
Prairie Farms Heavy Whipping Cream, Half Pint
half container of Strawberries
doorstopnation.com picture of the day

REVIEW: I think I put too much whipped cream in it ** STARS
Dave Meltzer: "This wasn't a healthy smoothie!"


Ingredients:
Handful of Dragon Fruit
5 pineapple slices
1/2 orange
1 cup of coconut water
doorstopnation.com picture of the day

REVIEW: I just don't like coconut water that much soooo ** STARS
Bryan Alvarez: "The orange pulp ruined the dragon fruit."
Dave Meltzer: "This was a waste of coconut water. Jimmy Snuka was said to be upset in the back."


I used to goto Costco all the time and always stopped to get the berry smoothie.
So I'm like ok I gotta make my own.
Ingredients:
1/2 cup of blueberries
1/2 cup of strawberries
1/2 cup of ice
1/2 cup of nonfat yogurt
doorstopnation.com picture of the day

REVIEW: While it was good. I think I added too much ice.
I'd say ** STARS
Dave Meltzer: "He tried to rip it off and he didn't succed!"
Bryan Alvarez: "This was a poor attempt! Costco should sue!"


This is one of my favorite ones!
Oh and you got to listen to "Yacht Rock Radio" on SiruisXM when drinking this.
ALSO play the song Escape (The Pina Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes
Ingredients:
1/2 cup unsweetened pineapple juice
1 cup unsweetened coconut water
1/2 cut lime
Put in Freezer for 1 hour
doorstopnation.com picture of the day

REVIEW: Maybe the best ever. I'd say ****1/2 STARS! You will love it!
Bryan Alvarez: "He didn't cut himself cutting the lime!"
Dave Meltzer: "He stole this recipe from carlos colon.
What will he steal next from Carlos the scars on his forehead?"


OK next up was one of my favorites.
Maybe the best praised one ever.
Ingredients:
1/2 pre cut pineapple
1 banana
1/2 orange
1 can of yellow Red Bull
doorstopnation.com picture of the day

REVIEW: Maybe my best one yet the orange was a pain to cut!
The taste was AMAZING! ***** STARS
Dave Meltzer: "If this was in Japan I'd give it 7 stars."


Ok since I did cut myself while slicing the orange I figured...
I'd do the same thing BUT instead add mango.
Ingredients:
1/2 pre cut pineapple
1 banana
1/2 container of pre sliced mango
1 can of yellow Red Bull.
doorstopnation.com picture of the day

REVIEW: You know what not as good, good... Buuuuttt
I'd say ****1/2 STARS
Bryan Alvarez: "If he wasn't so reckless with the knive he would NOT have made this!"


This one was a good idea on paper.
Then well in execution welll..... Not so much.
Ingredients:
Handful of marshmallows
1 Sweet Obsession Milk Chocolate Bar - 3.5 oz
2 Jell-O Chocolate Pudding Snacks 3.875 oz
2 graham crackers
doorstopnation.com picture of the day

REVIEW: Well I think I broke the blender. It stopped THREE TIMES!
so it wouldn't blend and it tasted good but it was a pain to eat and make.
Like it was a pain to eat because am I eating it or drinking it?
BUT if you smear it on a graham cracker it wsa real good.. *** STARS"
Bryan Alvarez: "THIS LOOKED LIKE MANURE! MAH-NURE! MAH-NURE!
I am not eating something that looks like from the sewer!"
Dave Meltzer: "It didn't look good. It looked like a Great Khali match. Just putrid."



I am not a coffee guy. Like not my thing OK...
BUT I went to Dierbergs and this REALLY hawt girl was like...
You want a voucher for Kitu Super Coffee Caramel? I'm like SURE!
So I tried it.. It was OK then I thought it needs... Chocolate!
Ingredients:
2 bottles of KITU Super Coffee Caramel 12 oz
1 Sweet Obsession Milk Chocolate Bar - 3.5 oz
doorstopnation.com picture of the day

REVIEW: ****3/4 STARS
Bryan Alvarez: "Joe is a male chauvinist pig and it offends me!"
Dave Meltzer: "If that girl wasn't attractive he would've NEVER used the super coffee!"




Of all the ones I've made this MAYBE the most controversial.
doorstopnation.com picture of the day

Ingredients:
1 package of pre cut Cantaloupe.
1S imply Orange Juice Original - 11.5oz
I had no idea people were so split on cantaloupe.
It was good tho I liked it.... Sooo yeaah.
Whatever your take on Cantaloupe is I say it's *** STARS
Bryan Alvarez: "Whatever pleases Joe his audience is an audince of one!"
Dave Meltzer: "Cantaloupe is the John Cena of fruit.
Just like Cena Cantaloupe is very polarizing."





This one I really liked and it had a good color.
doorstopnation.com picture of the day

Ingredients:
1 un cored pineapple like take the core out of the pineapple
(Whatever the term is ring? I don't know. Just a pineapple without a core)
1 Mountain Dew Kickstart Pineapple Orange Mango - 12 fl oz
It was very good. Like one of my favorites so far.
I will say ****1/2 STARS
Bryan Alvarez: "How does he not know the correct terms?
Isn't Joe supposed to be a Smoothie master?"
Dave Meltzer: "Why did Joe put the samples in communion cups?
This was blasphemy against the holy spirit."





This one wasn't so much a smoothie.
It was good tho. Hopefully the people at Dunkin' see this:
Ingredients:
Dunkin Donuts Thin Mints Iced Coffee 13.7 fl oz Bottle
1 Sweet Obsession Dark Chocolate Bar - 3.5 oz
doorstopnation.com picture of the day

I really didn't taste the thin mint... BUT very good!
REVIEW: **** STARS

Bryan Alvarez: "He wasted good coffee! Why didn't he just grind up girl scout cookies?!"
Dave Meltzer: "White girls would like this coffee!"




I remeber the black and white cookie.
As Jerry Seinfeld once say we need to look at the cookie.
Ingredients:
1 Starbucks Doubleshot Energy Vanilla Energy Coffee 15 Fl. Oz.
1 Sweet Obsession Dark Chocolate Bar - 3.5 oz
doorstopnation.com picture of the day

It was very good. Starbucks should make this!
Hello earth to Starbucks stop marketing towards white girls.
I'll say overall it was very good ****1/4 STARS
Bryan Alvarez: "First why is Joe using a petri dish?
Secondly Why would Starbucks and the white girls listen to this pig?"
Dave Meltzer: "Joe is exploiting race relations.
This maybe the most most disgusting promotional tactic."



My next and last one was the WORST one.
Yeah I figured to make lemonade.
I don't know it was OK I suppose.
Ingredients:
1 Whole Apple skin in all
1/2 lemon skin in all
doorstopnation.com picture of the day

REVIEW: 0 STARS
Bryan Alvarez: "THIS WAS MINUS FIVE STARS!"
Dave Meltzer: "This was a DUD. How was this supposed to be lemonade."



doorstopnation.com picture of the day
Send me your Requests, Comments or even Complaints